Healing A Broken Heart From Love Time Is Your Friend

Healing a broken heart from love gone bad? All country western songs titles aside, this is a hard thing to have to overcome. Take heart though, it really is possible to overcome the hurt, anger and resentment that you may feel after a breakup. It will take time and it will take a strong desire on your part to actually feel better and get back to living your life.

I know that last sentence may sound odd. You may be saying to yourself, Well thats stupid, of course I want to get over my pain. In a way though many people actually hold on to their pain. They may not mean to and they may not realize they are doing it, but they do it nonetheless. If you do not realize thats what youre doing then it can be really hard to overcome.

Make sure that you are not so hurt that you simply are afraid to try again. If you are, you really should consider finding some help. Life is too short to live in fear of being hurt. You can never really be happy and fulfilled if you are not willing to open your heart up.

A therapist can help you work through all your hurt and pain and help you find ways to heal them so that some day you can move on and find love again.

While you are working on healing the hurt, make sure that you take the time to live. Now isnt a good time to think about dating but it is a great time to spend time with your friends doing the things that you used to enjoy doing. Remember when you were single? what types of things did you enjoy doing? Most of us put at least a little of ourselves on hold when we start dating someone else. Its just the way it works out. Our new person doesnt like to do something that we like to do so we stop doing it while we are with them. Now is the time to do those things. They will bring you peace and allow you to remember the person you used to be and that can really help when you are healing a broken heart from love gone bad.

Another thing you should be doing during this time is to work on the things that you have been meaning to do. Just like the things that we gave up doing when we were part of a couple, there are also things that we were meaning to do but just never got around to. Now is the time to do them. Have you been meaning to take a class, learn a new language, or just rearrange your living room? Now is the time for a new start. Go for it. Try to have some fun. You might not think that you can have any fun quite yet but when you start doing the things you have always wanted to do you might just be surprised at how good you will start to feel.

Finding ways of being happy is the best way I know of for healing a broken heart from love gone bad.

Read More..

Sing Me A Love Song On This Valentines Day

What makes a great love song? The truth is, a songwriter didnt compose a great love song, a singer didnt sing a great love song, but the ones who listen to it make it great, especially when two twine together as one - a romance. We, therefore, are the ones who pick it one in "Top 10 love songs" or "Best love songs ever."

Even my ex-boyfriend and I used to have that as our song - "Lover, I dont have to love" by Bright Eyes. It seemed foolish because its song title, lyrics, and even melody are bittersweet and melancholy. We didnt understand why we were listening to this song over and over, maybe just because we both found it a remarkable rhythm at that time. However, love dont live here anymore. Now I have to forget the sad tune, find myself a new squeeze who sings me a new "our song."

Ah, Valentines Day! Every February 14, and during the weeks leading to this day, couples send beautiful flowers, meaningful cards, and sweet chocolates to their darlings and explore their romantic sides. And a perfect dreamy night with serene melodies is the norm. So, sing me a love song and be my Valentine! When your sweetheart comes to say this to you, what song will you choose? Theres no better time than Valentines Day to turn our musical choices passionate.

Recently, Ive heard some wonderful love tracks. So, narrowing down my list to just 10 "best of" tunes took a lot of thought. If you dont find your favorites here, send me an email at kittykitcoldplay@yahoo.com. Now, cool off and sit awhile with me, and read some exciting stuffs about my picks of 10 romantic songs for Valentines Day:

1) You And Me (Lifehouse)
It makes my heart melt. There is a sense of peacefulness every time I hear this song. Such a melodious and gifted voice! All in all this is a true gem.

2) The Other Side of the World (KT Tunstall)
This nice radiopop is well crafted and remarkable. What I mean is that I keep remembering this song because I like the way she sings and phrases. A sparkling new singer-songwriter.

3) The Scientist (Coldplay)
The song is beautifully crafted and the unprocessed passion in Martins voice is almost heartbreaking. The best love song yet! An incredibly moving song!

4) Youre Beautiful (James Blunt)
Just beautiful tune! This piece means so much to me and although Ive heard it many times I still enjoy listening even now. A unique voice that really stands out.

5) Smooth (Santana featuring Rob Thomas)
This has a nice Santana feel. This smooth song rocks. This awesome Latin song is just sensual and also great to dance with.

6) Wherever You Will Go (The Calling)
If I could make you mine, Ill go wherever you will go. Thumbs up for the melody.

7) If I Thought Youd Ever Change Your Mind (Agnetha Faltskog)
"And in the winter snow, my songs would keep you from the cold." The lyrics are soooooooo nice and so is the voice of ABBA. Its totally enjoyable to hear her crystal clear pure sound once again.

8) Crazy In Love (Eminem)
Love the title and love the song! And oh, the lyrics! Slim Shady finally created a non-classic-rap. It sounds like a poem "You are the meaning of my existence, "Youre essential to me, Youre the air I breathe, I believe if you ever leave me, Id probably have no reason to be."

9) The Look Of Love (Diana Krall)
The look of love sees the invisible in the visible and the sound of love is smooth. A gorgeous love song. A cuddle by the fireside with the one you love.

10) When You Tell Me That You Love Me (Westlife featuring Diana Ross)
Westlife is back to raise you up with a new cover of a famous song. Moreover, this song is a nice comeback to the pop ballads that made them well known. Just tell your honey that you adore her or him with this cute tune.

Read More..

How To Save A Marriage By Paul Friedman

How To Save A Marriage By Paul Friedman

After I fir?t developed my system f?r helping married couples I put an ad in th? local paper th?t said, I can save y?ur marriage. I g?t a tremendous response and began meeting w?th tw? ?r thre? couples a day. Most ?f the couples I was ??eing were coming to me becau?? they had tr??d ?v?ryth?ng else. Even th?ugh I d?d not hav? th? normal credentials, meaning I am n?t ? psychologist, the? were desperate. My sessions were 2 hours long becau?? I remembered well wh?n my wife and I went to ? marriage counselor ?nd spent l??? than an hour w?th th?m I alw??s left thinking ther? wa? wa? t?? much left unsaid. In retrospect, h?d w? stayed longer we would h?v? realized we werent gett?ng ?n? help. So I wanted to make sur? people wh? cam? t? me were g?tt?ng what th?? w?r? paying for. I made ?t clear th?t for an? reason the? thought reasonable th?? would n?t h?v? to pay me. In tw? years there w?? ?nl? ?n? man who chose not to pay me. But h? w?? n?t sincere fr?m the beginning and was ?nl? try?ng t? appease h?? wife wh? h? knew he w?? going t? leave anyway. She had cheated on him and h?? cultural upbringing ??uld n?v?r g?t past th? humiliation he felt. Other than that one couple, ever??ne I worked w?th knew wh?t t? d? t? save the?r own marriage.



No ?n? ??n save ??ur marriage for you; y?u h?v? to do ?t yourself. But wh?t ? m??n statement th?t w?uld be if ??u d?d n?t kn?w how! Within 20 minutes ?f ?ur meeting every single couple wa? back on track. Im not ?aying the? wer? th?r? aft?r 20 minutes! But th?? had agreed t? leave the past behind, a past th?t was muddled with all sorts of improper behaviors. They agreed to train themselves ac?ord?ng t? how youre supposed t? behave in a marriage. It isnt th?t hard. In fact, ?ts downright simple. I didnt ?ay easy b?caus? retraining yourself, ?s?ec?ally after m?ny years, ?s n?t ?lw??s the easiest thing to do… But th? effort ?f retraining your?elf ?s almost n?thing compared to the pain of continuing ?n ?n ? painful marriage, ?r the greater pain ?f g?tting a divorce.

There was a time wh?n people thought th? world was flat. If ?ou were foolish ?nough to explain th? math that describes the earth ?? ? globe you m?ght have b?en put ?nto prison. Fortunately thes? days people dont n?rmally put ?ou ?nto prison for h?ving radical new ideas. So I was fairly safe when I introduced the idea th?t a happy marriage ?? much m?re normal th?n ? bad marriage. Normal meaning natural; Im not sa?ing th?t m?st people ?re ?urr?ntly enjoying ? happy marriage. But ?t ?s normal to h?ve ? happy marriage ?s long ?s youre f?llowing wh?t I would call the physics of marriage. There ?re natural laws f?r everything. If ?ou walk t? th? edge ?f a cliff and t?k? one more step you w?ll experience the natural law ?f gravity. If ?ou walk u? t? ?our spouse ?nd tell th?m th?y ?re stupid ?ou w?ll experience the natural law of ? negative response f?r ? negative comment.

The f?r?t step ?n saving a marriage is learning ?bout th? pitfalls, th? behaviors that destroy most marriages. The n?xt step is learning how ? marriage ?s constructed, wh?t a marriage ??tu?lly ?s ?nd consists of ?nd what ?t ?s meant t? do. Like anything else, ?f you learn m?re than ?ust th? surface rules ?ou w?ll b? far b?tt?r off. In marriage ?ts ?x?ctly the same. Not ?nly d? ??u need to know h?w to communicate (just ?s ?n exam?le – communication ?? n?t th? ?nly problem with troubled marriages) properly but you ?l?o n??d t? kn?w wh? and wh?t proper marital communication is, wh? proper communication ?? important, ?nd which communication t? u?e ?n the v?r?ous situations th?t arise..

It ?? almost ??rt?in ?our marriage ??n be saved. I h?v? met w?th people who w?r? literally g?ing to th? court to get ? divorce on Friday, two days ?ft?r se??ng me, but w?r? v?r? happily married by Monday. It ?s absolutely amazing! But I u?e the analogy of tr?ing t? pound a nail in w?th a screwdriver ?nd th?n being handed ? hammer. My point is not h?w amazing it ?? th?t their marriage w?s saved. My point is ?t w?uld b? amazing if th??r marriage w?? n?t saved on?e th?y knew wh?t th?y w?re supposed to do.

Dont give up! Ive s?en w?? t?o m?ny people succeed. I kn?w where th? great risks ?r? ?n which few couples ?r?b?bl? wont succeed. But Im not g??ng to tell ??u b??au?e ?v?n ?ut of that group th?r? have b?en successes. I ?ant read anyones mind ?nd I dont know th? deep dark secrets w?th?n ??ch ones soul, ?? t? point ?ut the odds of th? very, very small groups ?f people who dont make ?t would be crazy on m? part because it would discourage you. But know this: th? chances of ?ou b?ing ?n that group ?r? v?r? small. The percentage ?f couples I couldnt help with the manual w?s l?s? th?n 2%. So hang ?n there, understand th?t th?r? ?? hope ?nd t?ll th? person ??u ?r? married to, I love you.

from How to Get Your Ex Back - Make Ex Want You Back http://ift.tt/1FYFJgw

Read More..

Get Your Partner To Agree To Relationship Counseling

Relationship counseling is often a last resort for couples on the brink of the divorce. But some couples try counseling early on when the first problems rear their heads. Counseling is certainly something that a couple shouldn’t be afraid to try, even if the problems are relatively minor. Often, catching small problems early with counseling can prevent bigger problems down the road. Early counseling can even something prevent a future divorce.

Today’s couples seem more eager to try to new things, which makes counseling a good option. Couples married years ago seem less likely to go for counseling or try new approaches, perhaps because it wasn’t something commonly done when they were younger. Very often marriages of 30 or 40 years now end in divorce, which is a shame because they’ll never know if relationship counseling could have helped save the marriage.




If you feel like you need relationship counseling, be sure to as your partner to go to counseling with you in a non-judgmental way. If you ask him or her to go to counseling in such a way as it seems like you are accusing them of being the problem and needing counseling, you’re likely to encounter resistance to the idea. Try to make it clear that you want the counseling for yourself if nothing else.

If you ask your partner to go to counseling because you have some issues you need to work on, they’re more likely to view the idea favorably. Explain that you think you need some help to be able to contribute more to the relationship, and to learn how to be a better partner or spouse. Don’t accuse the other person of need counseling. Even if you believe that they are most of the problem, don’t say so. Once you’re in relationship counseling, they will learn tips and techniques for being better within the relationship, just as you will.

Don’t be afraid to suggest relationship counseling, whether you’ve been in the relationship for 3 months, 3 years or two decades. It’s never too late to try counseling to resolve problems. And it’s never too late to try to keep small problems from becoming big ones. If the relationship is relatively new, you might think that you’re admitting to problems and admitting that the relationship is rocky by suggesting counseling. But that’s not true. But facing any obstacles now, you’re making the relationship stronger in the long run.

If your partner believes that your suggestion of relationship counseling means that the relationship isn’t perfect, and maybe even is doomed, calmly explain that that isn’t true. Just because you’re willing to admit that everything is perfect shows that you’re willing to make necessary changes to keep the other person and yourself happy.

If your partner refuses, go on your own. While the counseling would work best if both of you go, you can go and work on things to improve yourself. If your partner sees you going to relationship counseling, they’re more likely to give it a try.

Read More..

The Real Marriage Test

If you have ever thumbed through a magazine that regularly discusses relationships, whether it be a mens or womens magazine, chances are you have seen various types of quizzes. One of the more common quizzes is the marriage test. You answer a few silly questions, and then check your answers to get some supposedly deep insight into you relationship.

There is nothing wrong with such quizzes, and they can be a fun way to pass some while waiting for a doctors appointment. As long as you only take them for what they are--a source of entertainment--then there is no real harm in taking them. Besides, if you have ever taken them, you have probably noticed one or two things. First, the explanation of your score is so far off that its downright laughable. Second, the explanations are so general that they could apply to virtually any relationship you have ever been in; good or bad.

It is probably a safe assumption that no marriage test in a magazine has ever saved a marriage. They are fun and have their place, but fixing a relationship isnt it; no matter what the maker of the quiz claims. However, there is a test you can use to help make your marriage stronger. You wont find it any magazine, but not to worry, the questions of this marriage test are below.

Before you take the test, you need to decide which way works best for you. Will each of you take it separately with a pen and paper, or will you discuss the answers as you take the test? Either way, the main goal is to spark a good discussion about your marriage. This is important because good communication is one of the foundations of a healthy marriage.

1. How do you envision our future? This is a good question because it will show if you have drifted apart, or if you are still together in the things you want from the relationship. Its far better to know where each of you stands instead of making assumptions. But, as long as you both seeing you being together, then its possible to work out the details.

2. What do you want from the marriage and life? The purpose of this question is to not only see what the ideal marriage means to each other, but to also see what the bigger life questions mean. Over the years people change, so you may be surprised to learn how your spouse answers this question, and vice-versa.

3. Whats the one thing you would change? By asking this you will get an idea of where the problem areas of your marriage are. Dont take it personally, but be happy that you get a chance to learn where you can make improvements.

4. What could I do better? Be careful here. You need to make sure there is enough respect before you ask this question. The one answer you dont want to hear is "nothing". The truth is that none of us are perfect, and that means there is always room to do better. Your spouse should feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth, and you should feel confident enough to hear it.

Read More..

Relationships Sites Good Vs Bad Advice

The Internet is filled with relationships sites that offer advice, tips and articles about good and bad relationships. Some are designed for those who are new in a relationship while others are for those who have had a break up and are now making up and trying to work it out. Can these relationships sites really help you heal your relationship?


If you take the information in them and apply it, it can certainly help. There are certain types of advice that are better than others, obviously. And some relationships sites are designed to get you to buy something, with articles that really don’t even make much sense.

Avoid those sites that are too cutesy to be useful, with quizzes and articles about things like how to trick your partner, how to cheat and not get caught, and things like that. Those aren’t for people in serious relationships, or they’re just for humor.

But sites that offer good advice can be very helpful. Very often there will be message boards and forums where other people reading the same information can interact. Testimonials about how the site helped might be available.

Be sure to take those testimonials with a grain of salt, however. Some relationships sites make them up, or have other people make them up, just to look better or sell you something.

The sites that have been put up by actual relationship experts like those who have written extensively on the subject are usually best. If they counsel people in healing relationships and have some popular books, they’re at least trying to offer useful information.

But there are sites that aren’t put out by experts that can contain gold mines, too. Some might have question and answer pages or even advice columns. It can often be helpful to read about other people’s situations. This lets you see what other people did while seeing if the advice might apply to your situation, too.

Relationships sites that guarantee they can save your relationships or marriage might not be great ones. If you’ve broken up and are now back together, you know how hard it is. And for any site or person to say that your relationship can definitely be saved is deceptive.

Without knowing your particular situation, no one should ever make that promise. And in fact, even with knowing your situation in detail, there’s no guarantee that anything can make absolutely sure that everything will work out all right.

The most any websites or even experts can do is give you the tools to try. You can get advice that will give you the best possible chance of making the relationship work this time. Then it’s up to you to use the information to make it happen.

Sites that have a lot of absolute statements, like how something will make him do a certain thing or think a certain way, aren’t being realistic. Look for relationships sites that admit not everything will work just as planned, as the advice in them will be much more practical.

Read More..

Relationship Self Help Simple Relationship Tips

Believe it or not there are some very simple relationship self help techniques that you can apply to your relationship to regain some of the closeness you once felt for each other. It is really too bad that day to day challenges get in the way of the love you have for each other and put it all on the back burner.

If things do not get switched to the front burner every now and then it seems as if they almost get forgotten and then the harder it is to remember where to find them again. It is as if you went from not being able to keep your hands off of each other in the beginning to rarely ever touching each other after five years.

To keep a relationship alive, touching is very important. It shows the other that even though there are a million and three things that need to be dealt with, you are trying to stay connected, even in some small way. Hold hands wherever you go, walking down the street, riding in the car, sitting and watching TV together, whatever. Also, reach out and touch your partner even as you just walk by them. This will make them feel loved and let them know you care.

Did you know that research shows that if you talk to your partner about anything and everything throughout your relationship it is less likely that either one of you will explode over something huge. Know why? Because if the lines of communication are open for the little things, then they will stay open for the bigger things that come along. Learning to communicate effectively is the single most important relationship self help technique you can do to improve or maintain your relationship.

Another technique you can use is to try to remember the things you like and love about your partner. Stop focusing on the things that annoy you and turn your attention back to the reasons you fell in love in the first place. Those little annoyances creep in and soon become big annoyances and then they just seem to take over and dwarf everything else that really counts in your relationship.

Last, but not least, do you spend all your time together or not enough time together? Either way can be damaging to a relationship. Too much time together can cause those little annoyances we talked about to rear their ugly heads a lot sooner and also encourage boredom. Think about it, if you are spending every waking moment together you will end up not having a single thing to talk about. So, spend some time away from each other every once in a while. Miss each other. You will come back to the relationship with a new appreciation for your partner, not to mention maybe a good story or two to share.

Using one or all of these relationship self help techniques will help keep your relationship strong and healthy and your love alive and well.

Read More..

How Can A Jerk Get Woman Back

If you are trying to get woman back, but you were a jerk to her, you may not deserve her. That may not be what you want to hear but it may very well be the truth. It is good that you recognize that you may have had a problem but what are you going to do about it and why should she want you back? Until you figure those things out you may not get woman back.

Here’s what you need to do to get woman back:

1) Change the way you look at women. If you consider them property then you do not deserve a chance. View them as people deserving of respect and do your best to give it to them and you might have a chance. To love women you need to respect women.

2) Change the way you treat women. Chivalry is not dead. Be a gentleman and treat them as queens. If you can pull this off your chances improve. Be subtle about it and try not to draw attention. You don’t want to look like you are faking it. They will notice. Women are smart like that and if she doesn’t notice she will have a friend notice and tell her. Your credibility may be shot.

3) Learn humility. This will go a long way towards helping you get woman back.

4) Let her know that you were a jerk. If she tells you that you were, just agree with her. If she exaggerates, or it seems like she is, remember that to her she isn’t. The only person’s opinion that matters is hers if your goal is to get woman back. You’re selling and you’re trying to get her to buy. The customer is always right.

5) Find out if she wants some space or if she wants you to come begging and then give her what she wants. This will be a tough thing to do. You may have to ask around to people who know her well. She may even think that your efforts to try out are worth giving you a second thought.

6) Try and convince her friends that you are changed. You will have to do this first. They will be skeptical of you and will be most interested in protecting their friend that you hurt. If you can win her friends then you have won the major part of the battle. If you try and get ex back first, you will have trouble convincing her and even if you do, they may talk her out of it. Do you want her trusted friends for you or against you?

7) Don’t tell her that you have changed, show her. Words are great but it doesn’t mean anything unless there is some action to back it up. You need more than words.

8) Think about the long term and if you are going to be able to make this change permanent. If you can’t then you are going to end up in the same place you are now but only with a smaller chance to get woman back.

Read More..

Relationships Break Up To Make Up

This is your guide: Relationships – Break Up to Make Up. The break up may be just the first stage in getting back together with an ex.

If you had been dating for any length of time, you and your ex had a lot invested in the relationship. You obviously loved and cared for each other. But something went wrong and one of you decided to call it quits. How you handle the relationship break up may have a lot to do with whether you can ever make up.

If you are the one initiating the break up, try to do it with love and compassion. Whether you are truly calling it quits or just wanting a time out, remember that this is a person who has been important to you and you have a responsibility to take his or her feelings into account.

It’s generally best to tell the person that you want to break up in a public place. That’s because people are less likely to embarrass themselves if others are around. Also, don’t draw the break up out. Just say your piece and leave.

Once you have broken up, leave the channels of communication open. Be there for your ex when he or she needs you.

Don’t play games with your ex. Some people suggest dating their best friend or flaunting a new date on your ex, but consider that if you ever make up, these things are going to haunt your new relationship.

If you have found that you want to get back together with your ex, consider the following:

· Tell them that you are interested

· Be interesting yourself – take up new activities and make new friends

· Try a new look – whether it is a new hair style or simply updating your grooming, your ex will notice.

Suggest that you meet your ex for lunch or some other non-romantic activity. During this time, you can bring up the positive memories you shared. You can also emphasize any changes you have made in your life.

If your ex gives you any indication that he or she is willing to give it a second try, don’t assume that you can start right back where you left off. Woo your boyfriend or girlfriend. Go out on romantic dates. Start by holding hands, not jumping into the sack.

Also, give your relationship time to heal from the break up. Don’t assume that your ex’s feelings weren’t hurt by the cooling off period.

Continue improving yourself. Don’t fall into bad habits just because you’ve got your ex back. Constantly strive to be the best boyfriend or girlfriend you can be.

That’s your guide to Relationships – Break up to Make up.

Read More..

Your Marriage or Relationship Saviour

Welcome To My Marriage Saviour!

Is it possible to save a marriage alone and stop a divorce? As unbelievable as it sounds. Yes it is.

For centuries it was and is a common thing to go to a marriage counselor to try to save a marriage. For this both partners have to work together and follow the advice of the counselor. According to the newest studies less then 50% of those conventional couple therapies are successful, which is a sad fact.
Click Here For A Proven System To Save Your Marriage Alone

Why is this so? Going to a marriage counselor is like going to a psychiatrist, in most cases every little negative thing will be chewed on and chewed on. There is nothing exciting about saving a marriage this way. On the other hand, when only one of the partners starts to save a marriage, without the other even knowing about it, there are some really good strategies to save the marriage alone.

The spouse that wants to save the marriage alone begins to change his/her mindset and applies the strategies. The other half of the equation will notice the change in the mindset and will start to change as well. This is how the whole universe works, if you expect scarcity you will get scarcity. If you expect a successful marriage and work on it the chances are high that you will just get that.

Did you know that the success rate of these methods is more than 80%? That means it is more successful then the established partner therapy method.

Isn’t that exciting? You just discovered that you can save your marriage if you want to. That you can change your spouse if you change yourself and your attitude towards your relationship.
So what is the best way to start saving your marriage alone? How do you change your mindset, where do you get the guidance to stop your divorce? Even though you now know the rough outlines on what you have to do, you still are not an expert and you will most likely fail if you do it on your own.

You need the an expert marriage guide, a professional that teaches exactly what you need to know. Don’t wait for your marriage to get divorced. Don’t wait for your dreams and hopes that you both had for this relationship to die if you want to save your marriage and stop the divorce.

>>Click Here To Be Redirected To Our New Site!<<

tradebit.com/A/widget/33806605/5?aid=">

Read More..

Mixed Messages in a Marriage Crisis Hurt and Confusion

Misunderstandings are common in marriage. One partner misinterprets the message that was intended. Typically these messages can easily be clarified by reflecting your confusion. Miscommunication is even more likely during a marital crisis. Mixed messages are a common source of miscommunication and can be more difficult to clarify.

Mixed messages result from your mate giving messages that conflict. For instance, your spouse expresses concern for your well-being then says something hurtful. You are drawn to the warmth and then are stung by the coldness in your mates voice. Like a purring cat that suddenly bites your hand, you become distrustful of your partners messages.

Mixed messages often occur because what is said does not match with how it is said. For instance, your partner has a sad facial expression but denies anything is wrong. Another example is a wife who has spent much less time at home, but says, "Im not avoiding you." You receive a message through your partners expression that conflicts with what you are told.

The question, "Do you love me?" is answered (in a flat-toned voice), "You know I love you." The words are words of love; but are they? The voice has no expression of love. Your spouse may proclaim love but there is no affection accompanying the words. You are kissed only when you ask for a kiss. The kiss communicates love, but the stiffness in your partners body communicates distance.

You try to clarify the message to determine which message is correct. This yields little clarification and more mixed messages. When you confront the inconsistencies in your mates messages, you are told that you are wrong or you are avoided.

The most hurtful mixed messages are those that define the relationship. These are painful because you need to understand the status of the relationship. The most common mixed message a distancing spouse gives is "I love you but Im not in love with you." Since "love" and "not in love" are opposing feelings, the message is unclear. You are left thinking, "What does this mean?" "I love you" sounds positive but "Im not in love with you" sounds negative. It is apparent that there is something missing but what is it? Is there any hope embedded in the message? You feel confused and want more information, information that is not available.

Mixed messages can serve to indirectly express rejection, as though a mixed message will be less hurtful. That is one reason that clarification is unsuccessful. To clarify the position would force your partner to accept responsibility for distancing from you. However the most common reason for mixed messages is that your spouse wants distance but has not made a decision regarding whether or not to remain committed to the marriage. The mixed messages reflect the mixed feelings that lie within.

Mixed messages from your spouse are not difficult to interpret because you have failed to clarify the message. The mixed messages are difficult to understand because your spouse is in a state of inner turmoil. Naturally you are biased and want to believe any positive message that contains hope that the relationship may survive this crisis. You also want to ignore the rejection, hoping it is temporary. If you listen to the message, you will learn more about the inner turmoil of your spouse than about the relationship. You cannot get an accurate picture of your spouses view of the relationship until your spouse gains internal clarity.

Stop spending needless time clarifying your partners message(s).
Reflect acceptance that your partner is unclear about his or her feelings, thus offers unclear messages.
Detach from over analyzing everything your partner says, you will know where you stand when your partner has made that decision for him or herself.
Put your energy into self-care. Socialize with those who care about you. Nourish your body, mind, and spirit.

Read More..

Help save my marriage from failing

How to save marriage from failing after a disastrous ad catastrophic event has taken place may seem like a hard thing to do, but it can be done. There are many times when something horrible has happened in the life of a couple that the stress ends up being too much to bear. These are times it is important to know how to save marriage.

The need to know how to save marriage can come as a result of something in the marriage or relationship falling apart as the two struggle to deal with what has happened. Many times it happens after the death of a loved one or especially a child. Sometimes it will happen after a wreck. Maybe it was because of some natural disaster or an act of hatred by some unknown entity. It could be because of illness to one of you or anything else that happened that caused your world to fall apart.

There are some very important things that are how to save marriage from ending you need to know. You need to understand that people act and react differently to events. The most obvious is the differences between how men and women typically deal with things. Some people repress feelings while others are more outward and more obvious in their grieving. Understanding this and accepting it will help go a long way in knowing how to save marriage. Dont expect your loved one to react the same way that you do.

Another thing that you need to know is that grief many times rings out the worse in people and negative traits are often exaggerated. Patience is needed in understanding why some very negative changes take place in their personalities. You have to be able to see those changes taking place in yourself. Dont excuse the behavior and dont let harmful behaviors ruin things more but understand what is happening.

In both of the above marriage counseling is needed. Marriage counselors will usually be very adept at helping couples struggling through these times. Whether it is a Christian marriage or any other, there are places and people you can go to that will help you and the one you love get through this.

Here are some suggestions for other things that will help you get through this time:

~ Commit to each other that you are going to get through this together. Be a team fully supporting each other and understanding each other. When one is particularly weak at one point, be there. Find for them and help shoulder the load. Ask that the same be done for you.

~ Grow your support team. Find close friends and family that will help you through this. There is no reason that the two of you should go through this around. Find a network or a group of people who have gone through similar things. There is strength in numbers.

~ Find a reason to laugh again. Watch a silly sitcom on TV or some stupid funny movie. Watch one of those funny home movie shows for some good laughs. Spend time with fun loving people who you have a good time with Laughing will make you feel better and gives you a break from the weight you carry.

When you have suffered greatly, it doesnt mean that the marriage has to come to an end. It can be made stronger if you are serious about finding how to save marriage.

Read More..

Do Books On Marriage Really Help

Marriage is meant to be a wonderful thing, and it usually is at the beginning. But the honeymoon phase doesnt last forever. Its at this stage that most couples start noticing little problems that they had never noticed before. Perhaps they head over to the relationship section of the bookstore looking for books on marriage.

They may feel somewhat embarrassed, but at least they are doing something. On the other hand, some people will choose to pretend none of these things are happening, or they will ignore them in the hopes they will go away on their own; the last thing they want to do is confront their spouse.

Thats one of the great things about books on marriage. They can help you to make your marriage better, but you can also read them privately. This means you can do things to improve your situation without necessarily having to confront your spouse.

Okay, thats all well and good, but at some point you are going to have to discuss your problems. Again, marriage books can be a wonderful resource. They can show you how to talk about the tough subjects. And if you want to make it even easier, you can give your spouse the same book to read, and then let them know you would be interested in hearing their thoughts about it. This is a great way to break the ice, and is also a non-threatening way to do it.

When you read a book on marriage, take what you can from it. You may not agree with all of the ideas, or they may not fit your specific situation. No problem. Just use the parts of the book that will help. Nobody will hold it against you, trust me. What counts is that you are willing to at least do something.

If you have sent any time looking for books on marriage, you have probably noticed that there is a nearly endless number of titles available. However, not all titles are created equally. The first thing you should look for is that the author has a good reputation. You want to be sure the person giving you advice on something as important as your marriage is qualified to do so.

When considering books on marriage read the back cover and inside flaps to get an idea of the authors credentials. You will also want to try to get a feel for their writing style to see if it will resonate with you. Another thing you can do is go online and read reviews of any marriage books you are thinking about getting. However, dont read the professional reviews, instead, look for reviews written by normal people. They will tell it like it is, and often share stories about how the book worked for them.

If your marriage could use some improvement, then you are not alone. The good news is that there are plenty of books on marriage and there is at least one that will be able to help you.

Read More..