How To Save A Marriage By Paul Friedman
After I fir?t developed my system f?r helping married couples I put an ad in th? local paper th?t said, I can save y?ur marriage. I g?t a tremendous response and began meeting w?th tw? ?r thre? couples a day. Most ?f the couples I was ??eing were coming to me becau?? they had tr??d ?v?ryth?ng else. Even th?ugh I d?d not hav? th? normal credentials, meaning I am n?t ? psychologist, the? were desperate. My sessions were 2 hours long becau?? I remembered well wh?n my wife and I went to ? marriage counselor ?nd spent l??? than an hour w?th th?m I alw??s left thinking ther? wa? wa? t?? much left unsaid. In retrospect, h?d w? stayed longer we would h?v? realized we werent gett?ng ?n? help. So I wanted to make sur? people wh? cam? t? me were g?tt?ng what th?? w?r? paying for. I made ?t clear th?t for an? reason the? thought reasonable th?? would n?t h?v? to pay me. In tw? years there w?? ?nl? ?n? man who chose not to pay me. But h? w?? n?t sincere fr?m the beginning and was ?nl? try?ng t? appease h?? wife wh? h? knew he w?? going t? leave anyway. She had cheated on him and h?? cultural upbringing ??uld n?v?r g?t past th? humiliation he felt. Other than that one couple, ever??ne I worked w?th knew wh?t t? d? t? save the?r own marriage.
No ?n? ??n save ??ur marriage for you; y?u h?v? to do ?t yourself. But wh?t ? m??n statement th?t w?uld be if ??u d?d n?t kn?w how! Within 20 minutes ?f ?ur meeting every single couple wa? back on track. Im not ?aying the? wer? th?r? aft?r 20 minutes! But th?? had agreed t? leave the past behind, a past th?t was muddled with all sorts of improper behaviors. They agreed to train themselves ac?ord?ng t? how youre supposed t? behave in a marriage. It isnt th?t hard. In fact, ?ts downright simple. I didnt ?ay easy b?caus? retraining yourself, ?s?ec?ally after m?ny years, ?s n?t ?lw??s the easiest thing to do… But th? effort ?f retraining your?elf ?s almost n?thing compared to the pain of continuing ?n ?n ? painful marriage, ?r the greater pain ?f g?tting a divorce.
There was a time wh?n people thought th? world was flat. If ?ou were foolish ?nough to explain th? math that describes the earth ?? ? globe you m?ght have b?en put ?nto prison. Fortunately thes? days people dont n?rmally put ?ou ?nto prison for h?ving radical new ideas. So I was fairly safe when I introduced the idea th?t a happy marriage ?? much m?re normal th?n ? bad marriage. Normal meaning natural; Im not sa?ing th?t m?st people ?re ?urr?ntly enjoying ? happy marriage. But ?t ?s normal to h?ve ? happy marriage ?s long ?s youre f?llowing wh?t I would call the physics of marriage. There ?re natural laws f?r everything. If ?ou walk t? th? edge ?f a cliff and t?k? one more step you w?ll experience the natural law ?f gravity. If ?ou walk u? t? ?our spouse ?nd tell th?m th?y ?re stupid ?ou w?ll experience the natural law of ? negative response f?r ? negative comment.
The f?r?t step ?n saving a marriage is learning ?bout th? pitfalls, th? behaviors that destroy most marriages. The n?xt step is learning how ? marriage ?s constructed, wh?t a marriage ??tu?lly ?s ?nd consists of ?nd what ?t ?s meant t? do. Like anything else, ?f you learn m?re than ?ust th? surface rules ?ou w?ll b? far b?tt?r off. In marriage ?ts ?x?ctly the same. Not ?nly d? ??u need to know h?w to communicate (just ?s ?n exam?le – communication ?? n?t th? ?nly problem with troubled marriages) properly but you ?l?o n??d t? kn?w wh? and wh?t proper marital communication is, wh? proper communication ?? important, ?nd which communication t? u?e ?n the v?r?ous situations th?t arise..
It ?? almost ??rt?in ?our marriage ??n be saved. I h?v? met w?th people who w?r? literally g?ing to th? court to get ? divorce on Friday, two days ?ft?r se??ng me, but w?r? v?r? happily married by Monday. It ?s absolutely amazing! But I u?e the analogy of tr?ing t? pound a nail in w?th a screwdriver ?nd th?n being handed ? hammer. My point is not h?w amazing it ?? th?t their marriage w?s saved. My point is ?t w?uld b? amazing if th??r marriage w?? n?t saved on?e th?y knew wh?t th?y w?re supposed to do.
Dont give up! Ive s?en w?? t?o m?ny people succeed. I kn?w where th? great risks ?r? ?n which few couples ?r?b?bl? wont succeed. But Im not g??ng to tell ??u b??au?e ?v?n ?ut of that group th?r? have b?en successes. I ?ant read anyones mind ?nd I dont know th? deep dark secrets w?th?n ??ch ones soul, ?? t? point ?ut the odds of th? very, very small groups ?f people who dont make ?t would be crazy on m? part because it would discourage you. But know this: th? chances of ?ou b?ing ?n that group ?r? v?r? small. The percentage ?f couples I couldnt help with the manual w?s l?s? th?n 2%. So hang ?n there, understand th?t th?r? ?? hope ?nd t?ll th? person ??u ?r? married to, I love you.
from How to Get Your Ex Back - Make Ex Want You Back http://ift.tt/1FYFJgw
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