Do you ever wonder if its something you did or could have avoided?
The good news is that this unfortunately all-too-common dilemma can be avoided, simply by understanding how sexual dynamics work.
If youre like 99 percent of red-blooded men, youve probably said or thought something like this in your lifetime: "Im always ready for sex."
Maybe you told your partner, "Anytime." And if youre like a lot of men, you reminder her of this everyday, yet it doesnt increase her desire to have sex with you.
It seems normal to want sex all the time - if youre a man. But women find such exuberance suspect. For women, the desire for sex is driven by so many shifting external and emotional factors that to be always "on" and always "hot" seems a bit disconnected from everything else.
The question that comes to womens minds is: "Can this be love?"
Often when I help clients explore their always-ready sexual pattern, theres an unconscious belief that a man "should" be ready. He "should" be ready because hes a man and men are supposed to want sex - any kind of sex, anytime. Even if theyre not attracted, even if theyre married, even if theres no emotional connection.
For men, "fear of scarcity" also affects readiness. "Id better take it while I can get it."
Even men who are married and get a good deal of sex or, who have enjoyed success with women casually, still have this always-ready switch turned to "on." Having a lot of sex doesnt guarantee a man will relax and bask in his abundance.
A mans constant need, want and eager "trot to the gate" is not only exhausting, but leaves no room for a woman to want. Just as a mans perception of scarcity fires him up to be a ready and eager partner, a womans lack of scarcity leaves her without an appetite. She lives at a virtual sexual buffet, where sex is always on the table.
A woman wants to be desired, make no mistake about that, but your being primed at the gate is not about your desire for her. She perceives this as more about you and your pressing physical urges. So issuing a "no" is easy for her.
How to Become the Lover She Wants
If youre under 50, testosterone can drive you to want sex, a lot. It can override your ability to think clearly and to be present. Until you reign in your sexual energy and master it, your sex drive will run you and negatively effect how your partner feels about being sexual with you.
Listen to your woman when she says: "All you ever care about is sex" because the deeper communication is: "I dont believe you love me. You only want me for sex." She can sense the difference between your instinct to release, and your desire to make love to her.
It requires know-how and practice to master your innate, primal sexual desire. As you work on mastering this, you can also gain the skills for mastering your orgasm and ejaculation.
Your ability to "master" your instinctual urges makes a woman feel safe, and feel respect for you. When she feels safe, that you in "in control" of your sexual experience, she can open herself up completely to you, and to her own pleasure.
By mastering your sexual domain, you demonstrate love and a desire to express love, and this will turn any woman into a more interested lover.
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