Why You Should Avoid This Emotional Love Affair

You thought you were the last person they would find if they went looking for an emotional person. You are now confused since you met this person who tapped your feelings and now you are all emotional. Which route should you take when it turns to be an emotional love affair? Everything you do turns out to be contrary to your expectations. Emotional love affairs turn out to be very hurting. It takes long to collect the pieces and move on after the break up. Every issue in an emotional love affair ends up in a mess. Keep your emotions checked since they are the same ones which brought you together. Love emotions can confuse human mind and beats all intellect. Be wise when dealing with your emotions.

Emotional love affairs crash down since intense feelings associated with them impair the level of thinking. A previously fulfilling affair takes a turn and becomes frustrating and saddening. Most emotional love affairs use the tit for tat phenomenon. An eye for an eye makes the whole love affair unhealthy. It looses direction and focuses on revenge. What do you think will happen when i feel so hurt that my partner has failed to call me. I might be dying to hear him talk but i do not care about what, even if it is nonsense but just his voice. I will not call him though it will be hurting. Imagine if he also gets emotional and reacts the same way. The affair will simply be a game of shifting blames and on the way to the rocks. To avoid an emotional love affair would be the best option, try and understand him.

I think i do not care if you love me so much that it makes you cry all the time. The problem comes in when you hurt me by the little things you do and it makes me cry. It is not worth if i hate how much i love you. It will stop being a love affair and turn to a war affair. An emotional love affair pushes each partner to fight with their feelings. The more you fight with yourself and reject your intense feelings the more it hits back at you. You will try and fail miserably most of the times. If you get lucky enough not to reach exhaustion, you will succeed in separating with your partner because logic dictates that such an emotional love affair is harmful to your social life. At the end of it you will have scars in your heart which you might take to the grave. To avoid this, do not encourage an emotional love affair at all costs.

An emotional love affair sabotages communication. When you are too emotional, language tends to hit the wall and expression takes a back seat. Without communication, misunderstanding is unavoidable. Please if you notice your partner is going down that route, talk about it. It is in a word. You will never guess it unless you keep talking. Be slow to anger and an emotional love affair will be news to you.

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Are You a Target of Emotional Blackmail

When people manipulate you to get their way at the expense of your wants, needs, well being, and disregard the boundaries of the relationship between the two of you is a strong indicator of Emotional Blackmail.

There are six stages in the cycle that comprises the extortion:

1. The demand
2. Resistance
3. Pressure
4. Threats
5. Compliance
6. Repetition

In a quest for satisfying their desires, the blackmailer puts the process in motion with a demand which defrauds and compromises yours or another persons self-respect, integrity, well being, and boundaries.

Because complying with the demand violates the targets integrity there is usually resistance to maintain and keep their self-esteem in tact.

With the show of resistance the blackmailer will put the pressure on the target by making them feel fearful, obligated, and guilty for noncompliance and continue the aggravation until they submit. They will use the fact that they did such and such for you implying that you owe them for the favor. They will also play the; if you love me, you would do this for me, card. When you honor your integrity and do not submit to their demands they will often increase the pressure with threats; such as, if you do not do this for me I will leave you and take the kids with me and you will never see them again. Or, they may make tantalizing promises to coerce you into submitting. Like a job promotion and in the context of divorce the custodial parent promises the non-custodial parent extra time with the children often in conjunction with threats to keep them from the target. After they get what they want they normally do not keep their promises. Regardless of which tactic is used you are being emotionally attacked in an attempt to coerce you into giving in and satisfying their desires.

Because the fears of the imposed or implied consequences are too overpowering for them, the tantalizing promises made will be withdrawn, or the blackmailer will ignores them causing them to feel rejected and unloved. The target, often finds themselves giving in to the pressure.
Complying is the exchange the target makes to suppress the anxiety, keep the peace, be in good standings with the blackmailer, and have the hope that their needs might be respected. The reason they compromise their values is to obtain a sense of self-worth though distorted and a false sense of security. By capitulating the target is able to temporally quiet down their anxiety only to find themselves in the same position the next time they resist.

Recognizing the traits of emotional blackmail and the components of the manipulation cycle are important to effectively deal with the compromising demands and the extortionist. Failing to correct the exploitation will only encourage the perpetrator to repeat the tactics, until you put a stop to it.

You are a target of emotional blackmail if any of the following apply to get your compliance.

1. The blackmailer threatens to harm or make your life difficult.
2. Threatens to end the relationship with you.
3. Implies it will be your fault if they become depressed and warn you that they will neglect and harm themselves if they do not get what they want.
4. Believe you will submit.
5. When you meet their demands they always want more.
6. Consistently discount your personal boundaries, wants, needs, and feelings.
7. Sway you with promises that are dependent on your subordination which are rarely kept.
8. Constantly bad-mouth and label you as self-centered, unappreciative, uncaring, and greedy.
9. Ignore you with silent contempt until you satisfy their wants.
10. Shower you with affection when you give in and deny it when you resist.
11. Use money to gain compliance with bribes or by restricting you access to the cash.
12. In my opinion the worst perpetuator of emotional blackmail are those who use children as an emotional weapon in parental alienation and highly conflicted custody battles to get their counter part to react negatively and use the targets behavior to turn the children against them and increase their chances of gaining custody. They will spotlight the behavior in court to persuade the Judge to rule in their favor. Not only do they disrespect you they also disregard the childrens well being.

We all use manipulation to get desired results and negotiate life. It becomes Emotional Blackmail when your sense of fear, obligation, and guilt are used in coercion with the demand in order to get you to concede.

You need to identify if the demand makes you experience fear, obligation, and/or guilt. If so, be aware of why it makes you feel anxious.

1. Is it because it goes against your values and self-respect?
2. Is your well being disregarded when they want their needs meet?
3. Do you give in order to keep the peace or to feed your own insecurities?

The key to alleviate the anxiety is realizing what emotions the demands triggers in you, identifying why it causes you to feel the way you do, and recognizing that your well being is being disregarded.

Understanding why you give in to the manipulation and why it causes you to compromise yourself will give you direction in correcting how you respond in limiting the extortion and setting healthy boundaries with the blackmailer by stating your needs, wants, and boundaries without threats if they are violated, even if there is conflict with the request.

A request in its-self does not constitute emotional blackmail. It transitions into extortion when pressure is put forth to the sense of fear, obligation, and guilt to get compliance from another person. The question is whether they will respect the wants and needs of the person, and honor the boundaries of the relationship or not.

You must acknowledge the traits of being exploited and the anxiety it is causing you in order to set boundaries that will put the relationship on a more solid foundation or sever the dysfunctional relationship from the person who disrespect and emotionally abuses you to get their way.
Maintain your integrity Keep your self-respect. Be true to yourself.

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Be a lamp or a lifeboat or a ladder

This line isnt just a lesson in moral science; it has endless wisdom wrapped in it. 

Law of attraction teaches us to be selfish, which is a very good thing. We start to think about ourselves. We start to pay attention to what we really want. We start making list after list of things that we would like to have in our reality. And all seems to be working out just fine. But then, one day we realize that although on technical level, Universe is working just fine, but still there are those top three desires on most people’s lists which don’t seem to be coming to pass.

And no matter how hard they try, visualization and everything, matters only seem to be getting worse. They know that they have to ‘let go’. But most do not know how. 

To those stuck at this level, I would suggest to listen to the wisdom of Rumi. When nothing seem to be working to distract you from your current predicament, try giving. Nothing works better than the joy of giving someone else the happiness that they had been looking for. Remembering, that we are all connected and that we are all one, also helps. Anything that we do for others is bound to come back to us, and that include all the good things. What we receive in our reality is always a reflection of what we give. 

So, go ahead and try this, help someone, do something to make someone feel good. Not only will it help to distract you from your current situation and thus help you to ‘let go’, but it will also bring more good things to you.

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